CONFIDENCE IS AN INSIDE JOB ™…

Recognizing the opportunity to start her own Public Relationship firm, twenty two years ago, Extraordinary Woman of the week, Angela O’Mara,  confidently seized the opportunity and did not look back.

She specializes in strategic marketing, private media training and on camera interviewing skills. She has placed her clients on ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, E! Entertainment TV, Extra, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, The View, Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS Early Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Telemundo, Univision the BBC and has showcased her clients in magazines newspapers around the world.

Meet Angela O’Mara, mother, author, lecturer, public relations expert, and our extraordinary woman of the week.

Shamelessly plug yourself and your business.

Twenty two years ago I was working as a business/office manager for a plastic surgeon handling his million dollar bank account, two offices (Newport Beach and Beverly Hills), two boats (one red, one blue), 5 Rolls Royce vehicles, as well as his PR and Marketing. It didn’t take long for me to realize that a.) I was good at my job. B.) other high powered doctors could benefit from my PR and Marketing skills. When I decided to become an entrepreneur and set up my PR Agency, he became my first client and paid me a lot more money than when I was an employee. From that moment on, the sky was the limit, and it still is.

How long have you been in business?

Twenty two years

What has been a defining moment in your life or an AHA moment?

I have actually had several defining moments in my life. Seizing opportunities is something that I now recognize comes somewhat naturally to me. I also have realized that when someone tells me that I cannot or should not do something, I generally have to prove to myself that I can. After I decided to leave the UK at age 19 and follow a dream of coming to the USA, on the night I was leaving my father said “see you in 6 weeks kid.” As the baby of the family, I took that as “you’ll never make it on your own.” Well, here I am 30 years later thriving in the USA and living a life I could never have dreamed of back then and filled with no regrets. My father is no longer alive, but was definitely very proud of my accomplishments. Another defining moment came out of my divorce. Knowing that it was up to me to be responsible for my children’s lives gave me all the more reason to be successful as a business owner. And being a single-mom in business has helped me be much more compassionate to the other moms I have employed over the years.

What has been your biggest challenge?

In my first book Lipstick.Laptops.Life. I go into detail about a failed business experience. As I said earlier, I seize opportunity easily. Sometimes, however, opportunities don’t always work out the way we expect. With this particular incident I bought into a Franchise System that I believed had great potential. One year and a lot of money later I came to realize that the whole system was set up on fraudulent information and I had to get out of it. Losing the money was one thing; dealing with attorneys and investigators was another. I now consider that part of my life as my Harvard Graduate School experience – very costly but very, very valuable. It also happened at about the same time as the global economic meltdown we have all been experiencing and the biggest challenge was juggling the money to keep up the lifestyle I had achieved, while paying off the financial commitments I had made at the same time as losing large sums of money, paying a lot out in attorney fees and working diligently with clients whose budgets have shrunk due to the economy. I am glad to say that time is now behind me and I am finally seeing the silver lining in that black cloud.

What has been your greatest reward?

I’d like to say that my business was my greatest reward but honestly, it’s my three children who are now in their early twenties. They have each grown up to be strong, independent, intelligent and loads of fun. There were challenging times during their teenage years, but watching them bloom is just the best thing to me.

How do you stay  confident to receive your goals ?

I am a constant learner. I read everything I can get my hands on. So it’s important to me to know that my mind is sharp and I have a good knowledge of world events. Most of my clients are extremely intelligent and educated people and I have the confidence to be at their level all of the time because I have a wide-open world learning approach to everything. I also work to try and stay fit and slim, take care of my skin and hair so at least I feel that most of the time I look OK and sometimes I think I look pretty darn good. That attitude keeps me confident.

Who or what has had the strongest positive influence in your life?

My mother. She would always encourage me to do more, try harder, not take “no” for an answer. I remember her often saying “what’s the worst thing somebody can say to you?” and I would answer “no”. She would then say, “and that’s not so bad is it?” And, guess what, it’s not. She is now 86 years of age and still a very strong woman, goes dancing and walks a mile every day

How do you give back to your community?

The homeless population, which is growing rapidly, has always had a soft spot in my heart. I came from a working class Irish family and it just kills to me to see that here in the richest country in the world we have hungry, homeless people. I began a few years ago (during my most financially “broke” time) to give a few hundred dollars a year to Mission Rescue to feed the homeless. My company still donates money to that fund but my family and I decided to step up our efforts and now we volunteer at a local homeless shelter. We actually really enjoy it. I’ve come to realize that the California homeless love salad so I do my best to make the best salad they ever have. Even the other volunteers want to try some.

What do you do on a regular basis for a healthy mind, body and spirit                                 connection?

Working out is important to me. I exercise regularly. I walk almost daily either with the family and the dog, or alone. I also work out with weights and more recently have begun taking Zumba classes (aerobics) which I just love. I also focus on eating healthy because I am a believer that what you put into the body affects what you get out of it. My most recent fad has been fresh coconut and coconut juice in the morning (straight out of the shell- no bottled juice). It keeps me even keel all day. Spiritually I am very aware of the energy levels within us and around us and do my best to be in tune with that energy. I’m a big believer in gratitude. I am grateful for everything I am given.

Do you have any limiting beliefs about self or money?

Like most of us, I sometimes feel that I work so hard for such little or slow return. My biggest limitation being patience. While it is a virtue I am still coming to terms with, I can now look back and see how far I have come, and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

From your experience – share five things that a female entrepreneur should do for a successful business

There are many things important to a female entrepreneur, but I would say my Top 5 are:

1. Faith. Not in a higher being, but in yourself. If you dream it and believe it, you can achieve it.
2. Trust. Not only in others, but in yourself. Many of us ignore that inner-voice of intuition or “gut” reaction. Trust what your basic instincts are trying to tell you.
3. Strategy. Continuing to develop a vision for a business is important, but having a good strategy of how you are going to breathe life into that vision is vital.
4. Image: A good, basic black business suit should be hanging in every girl’s closet.
5. Sense of Humor: If you can keep your sense of humor (or develop one) it will help keep you going when the going gets tough.

Share with us a little know fact about you.

My life is literally an open book which as been pretty much documented in Lipstick.Laptops.Life. One little known fact is that at the age of nineteen, I almost went to work in London rather than New York. So glad I selected New York. Not sure where my life would be now had I not made that choice.

Is there something you want to share that was not asked?

Lastly, I would like to state that much of the hype that I see about “I can teach you how to make a million dollars while you sleep”, is just that. Hype. Starting and staying in business takes hard work, common sense, communication, relationship skills and a drive and passion that makes you jump out of bed each morning. After 22 years, I am still jumping out of bed to get to my job!

Angela, a big thank you for sharing your information with my readers.

The Professional Image, Inc

TPI Video

The News Room

Lipstick Laptops Life

Book info

Book info

Thank s for stopping by – let’s continue the conversation at the top of the post –  do you have an extraordinary woman in your life?  What makes her extraordinary?

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To your magnificence!  adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

Are we born with confidence?  When my four children were babies, their attitude and behavior told me YES.

I read a few articles that theorize that babies are not born with confidence but learn it from their parents or people of influence in their early lives. I believe the opposite is true – I came to this conclusion from not only observing my four children when they were babies but also my adorable granddaughter, who is now 6 years old.

A baby’s confidence is either nourished and allowed to blossom or stomped on and thereby suppressed.

Confidence – as defined by Dictionary.com – is the belief in oneself and one’s ability.

When babies begin to explore their new world, they are curious and confident. They don’t take no for an answer, they keep trying. They stand with confidence and take that first step and they beam with pride at their accomplishment – when they fall, they pick themselves up and keep on trying.

My youngest son Yusef has 3 siblings who are several years older than him. One day, when he was about 3 years old, I stood by the pool holding him in my arms – watching his siblings playing in the pool – he leaped from my arms into the pool and began to swim as if he had done it before. I was scared and amazed but remained calm. He’s been swimming ever since and never had a swimming lesson.

When my granddaughter was a year old, on one of her regular visits she saw me lifting my five pound weights and she picked up both of them and began doing curls! That’s confidence.

I can go on with the stories about how my children and granddaughter showed confidence.  There are those who may interpret some of these behaviors as being dangerous, and this is one of the many instances where a child’s confidence gets crushed.

As wise adults, it’s our responsibility to guide our children, to help them to become aware of dangerous situations and keep them out of harms way. Unfortunately, many well intentioned adults take it to the extreme.

When children attempt something new, too many adults over react and when children hear too many NOS, DON’T DO THAT, YOU CAN’T and the like – their confidence recedes and becomes dormant like a volcano.

Some more permanently than others.

I believe that babies are born with the innate ability to believe in themselves and their capabilities. Between age 0 and about 6 years old,  the people of influence – their parents, caretakers and/or the children’s perceived reality,  allow this belief to take hold and become firmly embedded in their subconscious minds or it’s crushed and lack of confidence becomes the automated, default internal drive.

Resources:

Yahoo Answers
Steve Olsen
Champions Club

Confident Baby Video:

Thanks for stopping by. What do you think? Are we born with confidence? Let’s continue the conversation in the comment section at the top of the post. I am ever so thankful for your retweets and Facebook mentions.

Accepting that she was not a victim – empowered Extraordinary Woman of the week, Crystal Washington Martin, to leave the corporate world behind to live her vision.  She’s a confident, savvy marketing strategist who helps businesses to have a WOW factor – with measurable results for clients/customers and profits.

Crystal was recently featured in the August edition of Black Enterprise Magazine – the Motivation Section.

Her husband Cj Martin is her #1 fan and in spite of her busy schedule, she takes time to mentor the youths in her community, to be empowered and unstoppable with confidence for their success.

Meet Crystal Washington Martin, wife, marketing strategist, mentor, and Extraordinary woman of the week.

Tell my readers about  yourself and your business.

I am a Marketing Strategist who helps professionals of all knowledge levels achieve measurable marketing results by leveraging unique strategy with technology.  My marketing firm’s website can be viewed at  Black Market Exchange and my own site can be viewed at Crystal Washington

How long have you been in business?

3 years.

What motivated you to become an entrepreneur?

Divine intervention.  I prayed one day, while still in corporate America for purpose.  I wanted to take the talent that I was using to make a large company millions of dollars and empower small business owners.  After praying, the entire vision of my business and speaking rushed into my mind.  I tried to negotiate for a smaller vision, but then I just received silence.  After that, it was just a matter of follow through.

What has been a defining moment in your life or an AHA moment?

My aha moment came when I realized that I was not a victim.  I realized that I was the co conspirator in any abuse that I have endured as an adult.  I realized that no devil, boss or crazy driver ever had the power to do anything “to” me.  This totally transformed the way that I live my life.  In fact, it enabled me to leave corporate America and start my own business.

What has been your biggest challenge?

My biggest challenge has been unlearning.  Most of what we are taught by well-meaning parents, teachers and college professors is either a form of domestication or theory not applicable in real life.  Don’t get me wrong, almost all of these individuals mean well.  However, I had to undergo a painful process of self examination to extricate all of the limiting beliefs that I had been imbued with.  In fact, I continue to go through that process and likely will for the rest of my life.  Bad beliefs will hold up anyone’s progress in business and in their personal life.  As I shed these bad beliefs, I find that I am connected to more and more wonderful people, offered more opportunities and experience greater profits.

What has been your greatest reward?

My greatest reward has been flexibility.  While owning a business is not for the faint of heart, it does allow me to live life on my own terms.  I can work in the wee hours of the night or take a Tuesday off to go to the movies with my husband who is also a business owner.  I also have the ability to raise capital by offering deals or specials.  This is not something that I could have done in corporate America.

When things are not going your way – what keeps you confident?

I never consider things not going my way.  That implies that something is wrong or bad.  Life is life.  I tell people that in order to drive from Texas to California via the shortest route, you will go through desert.  The desert is not bad or some type of punishment.  It is simply the quickest way to get there.  I look at life the same way.  I don’t have to judge everything that is going on, I only need to stay focused on my end destination and know that I am traveling the best route.

Who or what has had the strongest positive influence in your life?

That is a really difficult question.  There have been so many people.  However, if I had to chose just one, I would say my husband.  He has always encouraged me in everything that I have ever wanted to do.  He started his own business three years ago.  A few months later, I started mine.  He gives me the gift of acceptance.  He doesn’t blink an eye if I want to go to a book reading, study with Buddhist monks or completely change my diet to cut out all meat- which I did, by the way.  No matter what, he encourages me.

How do you give back to your community?

I’m a mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Houston and sit on the board of a few organizations that are doing wonderful things for the community including Inprint and Rice University’s Center for the Study of Women, Gender, and Sexuality.  I also speak at student events in order to empower them to become business owners.

What do you do on a regular basis for a healthy/strong mind, body and spirit connections.

I meditate, pray, see a healer/therapist monthly and always explore ways to stay grounded in my spirit.  I often visit the Chung Tai Zen Center to learn from Buddhist monks or visit the Ruah Center to meditate with the Sisters of the Incarnate Word.  Most of all, I allow my spirit free expression.

From your experience – share five things that a female entrepreneur  needs to do to have a successful business?

1. Strong network- access and opportunities are all in who you know and the quality of relationships you cultivate.
2. Solid brand- know who you are, what you offer and who you are offering it to at all times.
3. Open mind- things will change and opportunities may come from the least expected sources.  Be open to grow and change in order to remain relevant.
4. Knowledge of worth- no one will value you more than you value yourself.  As women, it is important that we not sell ourselves short financially.
5. A library card/ Internet access- A strong business owner is always studying and always learning.

Share with us a little know fact about you.

I hunger for new experiences the same way that others desire food.  I literally have travel cravings or experience longings.

Is there something you want to share that was not asked?

I can’t think of anything.

Crystal,  thank you for sharing your information with my readers.

I wish you continued success.  Stay confident and be empowered.

You can connect with Crystal at:

Facebook

Twitter

Thanks for stopping by. Do you have an extraordinary woman in your life? Share with us what makes her extraordinary.

Retweets and Facebook mentions make me happy. Oh, by the way, the comment link is at the top of the post and add your information to the RSS feed, upper right and each new post will be delivered to your in box.

To your exponential success!

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

Are you or someone you know in a toxic relationship? I believe that lack of confidence and low self esteem issues attract toxic relationships.

Recently,  one of my clients ended a toxic, dead end relationship.

She ended it by using pepper spray on her boyfriend - he attempted to hold her hostage by grabbing her cell phone and blocking the exist from his room. This was not the first time he did this – the first time,  she had her cell phone and called someone for help.

For almost a year she refused to see the toxicity of this relationship and made excuses for her boyfriend’s unpredictable, possessive, infantile, aggressive, controlling behavior.

She swears that she stayed because she loved him. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is the voice of a woman who is insecure, lacks self confidence and over all her self esteem is low.

She allowed this toxic relationship to begin and continue because she did not love herself and did not believe she was worthy or deserving of anything better.

Women from all walks of life enter into and continue toxic relationships.  Some of these women feel ashamed and find it difficult to admit they are in such a relationship.  Some  areas of their lives could be called “perfect.” They may be running a business, the CEO of a company, educated, smart and savvy. They have a great family and wonderful and supportive friends.

If you are confused as to whether your relationship is toxic or not – here are 30 signs of a toxic relationship and there are many more.

1. You’ve known him for a few days and he speaks ill of his mother
2. He says you are beautiful every minute of the day.
3. He questions your where a bouts.
4. He does not like any of your friends.
5. He never calls his mom.
6. He attempts to belittle you with words.
7. He has lost interest in his goals and just wants to be around you.
8. He cries like a baby when you have a misunderstanding.
9. He punches a hole in the wall because he can’t have his way.
10. He will not give you room to breathe.
11. He feels entitled to go every where with you and your friends.
12. He calls you names.
13. He wants to know you are speaking to on the phone.
14. He demands to see you text messages.
15. He shows up unexpectedly when you are out because he feels you need protection
16. He showers you with gifts he really can’t afford.
17. He feels you should be obligated because he has done so much for you.
18. He is jealous because someone said “hello” to you.
19. He tries to physically control you.
20. He makes a scene in public.
21. He makes a scene in front of your friends.
22. He is uncompromising.
23. You are his world
    
24. He puts you on a pedestal
25. You are always crying, feeling lost and confused in your relationship.
26. The negatives of your relationship far outweigh the positives.
27. He accuses you time and time again of not loving him.
28. You are a mom and he is jealous of the time you spend with your children.
29. He has a habit of blocking the door to keep you from leaving.
30. He threatens to kill himself if you leave.

If you are in a toxic relationship, I implore you - find the confidence to run,  not walk, from this relationship. It’s only going to get worse.

Other resources:

How to Handle Toxic Relationships
Characteristics of a Toxic Relationship
Is Your Relationship Pain Clean or Dirty
Energy Healing

Watch these videos

Release yourself from toxic relationships

8 Toxic relationships to avoid

Saying good bye to toxic friends

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Let’s continue the conversation in the comment section – link is at the top of  post -  have you or someone you know ever experienced a toxic relationship? Please share. Like this article? Share it  with the world by clicking one of the Social Media buttons below.  If you would like to get personal delivery of each post, please fill in your info. in the RSS feed in the upper right hand corner.

To your continued success filled with positive nurturing relationships.

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

What does Confidence  and beauty have to do with the Twilight Zone? It’s fascinating read on.

There was an episode of Twilight Zone that even today brings a smile to my face…the message is timeless. It was about a woman who was not accepted by the people in her world . The reason why she was not accepted had something to do with her face.  Exactly what was wrong with her face,  remained a mystery, until the end.

This is a classic and thought stimulating episode of the Twilight Zone. All of the characters faces were  in the shadows…except for the woman… she was in the hospital bed, her face and head were covered with a bandage.

She was crying buckets of tears  – she wanted to have a beautiful face.  She wanted to be accepted.  She wanted to have freedom of movement – her freedom was restricted because of her face.  She recalled, in heart felt agony,  a time when a little girl ran from her because of her  face.  Her confidence was not just low, it was dormant and her self esteem was shot.

Her value was based solely on her face…a tragedy in any dimension.

She had several unsuccessful operations to make her face “normal.”  She was in the hospital – attempting operation eleven.  She  really wanted to be BEAUTIFUL. But more than that, the law demanded that her face be molded to fit a particular standard -  what is the standard?  The audience was held in a suspenseful grip.

This was her final chance to be beautiful and acceptable – if this operation did not work -  the doctor told her she had to leave town.  She was not welcome.  She was an outcast.  She had to GO.

I felt this woman’s pain. Her suffering…as far as I could see every part of her body was  “normal.” I wondered to myself with anxious anticipation…what could be wrong with her face?

The doctor and nurses in the hospital,  with their faces in the shadow, made brutal statements:

• Why does she want to live?
• Some people will do anything to live.
• Her face is a lump of flesh.

When I watched this show for the first time – I was riveted, I could not bear the suspense of not knowing.  At the end of the show…leave it to Rod Serling, to clobber you with a life lesson.

When her bandage was removed, the doctor and nurses turned away with disgust and horror. Oh no, she looked the same. The woman wailed like a banshee, she sobbed and sobbed some more and finally her face was revealed – this unhappy woman had a face that by today’s standard would be called “beautiful.”

But not in this world – in this world she was considered the out cast.  She was not welcomed – she did not fit in.  As a matter of fact they thought she was downright ugly. By law, they had to get rid of her.  Anyone, who had a face like Serling’s character, had to live in another isolated town.

She was judged by one thing and one thing only, her face. It did not matter that in essence, she was their equal. It did not matter that she had the same complexion. It did not matter that she was in pain. They did not care that she had value.  They did not care about her suffering.  She had to go…her face was grotesque and it did not fit in with the norm.

The details for this show are somewhat foggy…I watched it several years ago.  But the message was clear – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You should not depend on outward validation to give you value.  The definition of beauty changes – one day your look is in and another day your look is out

You are not an inanimate object -

You can’t change your facial structure on a whim (I know some try).  Your looks does not define you.  It’s not your essence or who you are at the core. When you have self confidence – your beauty is defined by YOU.

This woman did not want to be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful – she wanted to have freedom. The freedom to be outdoors and enjoy nature. Her movements were restricted because she was not good enough.

In today’s world -  you have the freedom of choice and yes, acceptance by others is a wonderful thing. However, if you don’t get it – your world should not crumble. Unlike the Twilight Zone character -  no one can lawfully banish you because they do not like your appearance.

However, on a daily basis, I see so many trying to fit in – losing their identity – their authenticity. In a land of freedom, where you are free to be…one would think, this would be a non issue.

Confidence is timeless and when you have confidence in yourself…even though you may respect others people’s opinion…it easy for you to remain authentic and keep on loving you.

By the way, the doctor and the nurses – had faces that were distorted and pig like – by today’s standard – they would be the ugly ones.

Other Resources:
Inner Beauty That Leads To True Attraction
10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence
Wikipedia – Confidence
Beauty Secrets – Confidence
Tips
Confidence Quotes

Thought Stimulator: Imagination… its limits are only those of the mind itself. ~ Rod Serling

Are You a fan of the Twilight Zone?  Do you think the woman had choices? Do you think she should have told them to get lost – that she loved her face and she would much rather leave than try to fit in. Share your thoughts and I have a shameless request – could you please share this with your friends.

To your limitless success!

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com