CONFIDENCE IS AN INSIDE JOB ™…

Accepting that she was not a victim – empowered Extraordinary Woman of the week, Crystal Washington Martin, to leave the corporate world behind to live her vision.  She’s a confident, savvy marketing strategist who helps businesses to have a WOW factor – with measurable results for clients/customers and profits.

Crystal was recently featured in the August edition of Black Enterprise Magazine – the Motivation Section.

Her husband Cj Martin is her #1 fan and in spite of her busy schedule, she takes time to mentor the youths in her community, to be empowered and unstoppable with confidence for their success.

Meet Crystal Washington Martin, wife, marketing strategist, mentor, and Extraordinary woman of the week.

Tell my readers about  yourself and your business.

I am a Marketing Strategist who helps professionals of all knowledge levels achieve measurable marketing results by leveraging unique strategy with technology.  My marketing firm’s website can be viewed at  Black Market Exchange and my own site can be viewed at Crystal Washington

How long have you been in business?

3 years.

What motivated you to become an entrepreneur?

Divine intervention.  I prayed one day, while still in corporate America for purpose.  I wanted to take the talent that I was using to make a large company millions of dollars and empower small business owners.  After praying, the entire vision of my business and speaking rushed into my mind.  I tried to negotiate for a smaller vision, but then I just received silence.  After that, it was just a matter of follow through.

What has been a defining moment in your life or an AHA moment?

My aha moment came when I realized that I was not a victim.  I realized that I was the co conspirator in any abuse that I have endured as an adult.  I realized that no devil, boss or crazy driver ever had the power to do anything “to” me.  This totally transformed the way that I live my life.  In fact, it enabled me to leave corporate America and start my own business.

What has been your biggest challenge?

My biggest challenge has been unlearning.  Most of what we are taught by well-meaning parents, teachers and college professors is either a form of domestication or theory not applicable in real life.  Don’t get me wrong, almost all of these individuals mean well.  However, I had to undergo a painful process of self examination to extricate all of the limiting beliefs that I had been imbued with.  In fact, I continue to go through that process and likely will for the rest of my life.  Bad beliefs will hold up anyone’s progress in business and in their personal life.  As I shed these bad beliefs, I find that I am connected to more and more wonderful people, offered more opportunities and experience greater profits.

What has been your greatest reward?

My greatest reward has been flexibility.  While owning a business is not for the faint of heart, it does allow me to live life on my own terms.  I can work in the wee hours of the night or take a Tuesday off to go to the movies with my husband who is also a business owner.  I also have the ability to raise capital by offering deals or specials.  This is not something that I could have done in corporate America.

When things are not going your way – what keeps you confident?

I never consider things not going my way.  That implies that something is wrong or bad.  Life is life.  I tell people that in order to drive from Texas to California via the shortest route, you will go through desert.  The desert is not bad or some type of punishment.  It is simply the quickest way to get there.  I look at life the same way.  I don’t have to judge everything that is going on, I only need to stay focused on my end destination and know that I am traveling the best route.

Who or what has had the strongest positive influence in your life?

That is a really difficult question.  There have been so many people.  However, if I had to chose just one, I would say my husband.  He has always encouraged me in everything that I have ever wanted to do.  He started his own business three years ago.  A few months later, I started mine.  He gives me the gift of acceptance.  He doesn’t blink an eye if I want to go to a book reading, study with Buddhist monks or completely change my diet to cut out all meat- which I did, by the way.  No matter what, he encourages me.

How do you give back to your community?

I’m a mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Houston and sit on the board of a few organizations that are doing wonderful things for the community including Inprint and Rice University’s Center for the Study of Women, Gender, and Sexuality.  I also speak at student events in order to empower them to become business owners.

What do you do on a regular basis for a healthy/strong mind, body and spirit connections.

I meditate, pray, see a healer/therapist monthly and always explore ways to stay grounded in my spirit.  I often visit the Chung Tai Zen Center to learn from Buddhist monks or visit the Ruah Center to meditate with the Sisters of the Incarnate Word.  Most of all, I allow my spirit free expression.

From your experience – share five things that a female entrepreneur  needs to do to have a successful business?

1. Strong network- access and opportunities are all in who you know and the quality of relationships you cultivate.
2. Solid brand- know who you are, what you offer and who you are offering it to at all times.
3. Open mind- things will change and opportunities may come from the least expected sources.  Be open to grow and change in order to remain relevant.
4. Knowledge of worth- no one will value you more than you value yourself.  As women, it is important that we not sell ourselves short financially.
5. A library card/ Internet access- A strong business owner is always studying and always learning.

Share with us a little know fact about you.

I hunger for new experiences the same way that others desire food.  I literally have travel cravings or experience longings.

Is there something you want to share that was not asked?

I can’t think of anything.

Crystal,  thank you for sharing your information with my readers.

I wish you continued success.  Stay confident and be empowered.

You can connect with Crystal at:

Facebook

Twitter

Thanks for stopping by. Do you have an extraordinary woman in your life? Share with us what makes her extraordinary.

Retweets and Facebook mentions make me happy. Oh, by the way, the comment link is at the top of the post and add your information to the RSS feed, upper right and each new post will be delivered to your in box.

To your exponential success!

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

Are you or someone you know in a toxic relationship? I believe that lack of confidence and low self esteem issues attract toxic relationships.

Recently,  one of my clients ended a toxic, dead end relationship.

She ended it by using pepper spray on her boyfriend - he attempted to hold her hostage by grabbing her cell phone and blocking the exist from his room. This was not the first time he did this – the first time,  she had her cell phone and called someone for help.

For almost a year she refused to see the toxicity of this relationship and made excuses for her boyfriend’s unpredictable, possessive, infantile, aggressive, controlling behavior.

She swears that she stayed because she loved him. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is the voice of a woman who is insecure, lacks self confidence and over all her self esteem is low.

She allowed this toxic relationship to begin and continue because she did not love herself and did not believe she was worthy or deserving of anything better.

Women from all walks of life enter into and continue toxic relationships.  Some of these women feel ashamed and find it difficult to admit they are in such a relationship.  Some  areas of their lives could be called “perfect.” They may be running a business, the CEO of a company, educated, smart and savvy. They have a great family and wonderful and supportive friends.

If you are confused as to whether your relationship is toxic or not – here are 30 signs of a toxic relationship and there are many more.

1. You’ve known him for a few days and he speaks ill of his mother
2. He says you are beautiful every minute of the day.
3. He questions your where a bouts.
4. He does not like any of your friends.
5. He never calls his mom.
6. He attempts to belittle you with words.
7. He has lost interest in his goals and just wants to be around you.
8. He cries like a baby when you have a misunderstanding.
9. He punches a hole in the wall because he can’t have his way.
10. He will not give you room to breathe.
11. He feels entitled to go every where with you and your friends.
12. He calls you names.
13. He wants to know you are speaking to on the phone.
14. He demands to see you text messages.
15. He shows up unexpectedly when you are out because he feels you need protection
16. He showers you with gifts he really can’t afford.
17. He feels you should be obligated because he has done so much for you.
18. He is jealous because someone said “hello” to you.
19. He tries to physically control you.
20. He makes a scene in public.
21. He makes a scene in front of your friends.
22. He is uncompromising.
23. You are his world
    
24. He puts you on a pedestal
25. You are always crying, feeling lost and confused in your relationship.
26. The negatives of your relationship far outweigh the positives.
27. He accuses you time and time again of not loving him.
28. You are a mom and he is jealous of the time you spend with your children.
29. He has a habit of blocking the door to keep you from leaving.
30. He threatens to kill himself if you leave.

If you are in a toxic relationship, I implore you - find the confidence to run,  not walk, from this relationship. It’s only going to get worse.

Other resources:

How to Handle Toxic Relationships
Characteristics of a Toxic Relationship
Is Your Relationship Pain Clean or Dirty
Energy Healing

Watch these videos

Release yourself from toxic relationships

8 Toxic relationships to avoid

Saying good bye to toxic friends

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Let’s continue the conversation in the comment section – link is at the top of  post -  have you or someone you know ever experienced a toxic relationship? Please share. Like this article? Share it  with the world by clicking one of the Social Media buttons below.  If you would like to get personal delivery of each post, please fill in your info. in the RSS feed in the upper right hand corner.

To your continued success filled with positive nurturing relationships.

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

What does Confidence  and beauty have to do with the Twilight Zone? It’s fascinating read on.

There was an episode of Twilight Zone that even today brings a smile to my face…the message is timeless. It was about a woman who was not accepted by the people in her world . The reason why she was not accepted had something to do with her face.  Exactly what was wrong with her face,  remained a mystery, until the end.

This is a classic and thought stimulating episode of the Twilight Zone. All of the characters faces were  in the shadows…except for the woman… she was in the hospital bed, her face and head were covered with a bandage.

She was crying buckets of tears  – she wanted to have a beautiful face.  She wanted to be accepted.  She wanted to have freedom of movement – her freedom was restricted because of her face.  She recalled, in heart felt agony,  a time when a little girl ran from her because of her  face.  Her confidence was not just low, it was dormant and her self esteem was shot.

Her value was based solely on her face…a tragedy in any dimension.

She had several unsuccessful operations to make her face “normal.”  She was in the hospital – attempting operation eleven.  She  really wanted to be BEAUTIFUL. But more than that, the law demanded that her face be molded to fit a particular standard -  what is the standard?  The audience was held in a suspenseful grip.

This was her final chance to be beautiful and acceptable – if this operation did not work -  the doctor told her she had to leave town.  She was not welcome.  She was an outcast.  She had to GO.

I felt this woman’s pain. Her suffering…as far as I could see every part of her body was  “normal.” I wondered to myself with anxious anticipation…what could be wrong with her face?

The doctor and nurses in the hospital,  with their faces in the shadow, made brutal statements:

• Why does she want to live?
• Some people will do anything to live.
• Her face is a lump of flesh.

When I watched this show for the first time – I was riveted, I could not bear the suspense of not knowing.  At the end of the show…leave it to Rod Serling, to clobber you with a life lesson.

When her bandage was removed, the doctor and nurses turned away with disgust and horror. Oh no, she looked the same. The woman wailed like a banshee, she sobbed and sobbed some more and finally her face was revealed – this unhappy woman had a face that by today’s standard would be called “beautiful.”

But not in this world – in this world she was considered the out cast.  She was not welcomed – she did not fit in.  As a matter of fact they thought she was downright ugly. By law, they had to get rid of her.  Anyone, who had a face like Serling’s character, had to live in another isolated town.

She was judged by one thing and one thing only, her face. It did not matter that in essence, she was their equal. It did not matter that she had the same complexion. It did not matter that she was in pain. They did not care that she had value.  They did not care about her suffering.  She had to go…her face was grotesque and it did not fit in with the norm.

The details for this show are somewhat foggy…I watched it several years ago.  But the message was clear – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You should not depend on outward validation to give you value.  The definition of beauty changes – one day your look is in and another day your look is out

You are not an inanimate object -

You can’t change your facial structure on a whim (I know some try).  Your looks does not define you.  It’s not your essence or who you are at the core. When you have self confidence – your beauty is defined by YOU.

This woman did not want to be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful – she wanted to have freedom. The freedom to be outdoors and enjoy nature. Her movements were restricted because she was not good enough.

In today’s world -  you have the freedom of choice and yes, acceptance by others is a wonderful thing. However, if you don’t get it – your world should not crumble. Unlike the Twilight Zone character -  no one can lawfully banish you because they do not like your appearance.

However, on a daily basis, I see so many trying to fit in – losing their identity – their authenticity. In a land of freedom, where you are free to be…one would think, this would be a non issue.

Confidence is timeless and when you have confidence in yourself…even though you may respect others people’s opinion…it easy for you to remain authentic and keep on loving you.

By the way, the doctor and the nurses – had faces that were distorted and pig like – by today’s standard – they would be the ugly ones.

Other Resources:
Inner Beauty That Leads To True Attraction
10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence
Wikipedia – Confidence
Beauty Secrets – Confidence
Tips
Confidence Quotes

Thought Stimulator: Imagination… its limits are only those of the mind itself. ~ Rod Serling

Are You a fan of the Twilight Zone?  Do you think the woman had choices? Do you think she should have told them to get lost – that she loved her face and she would much rather leave than try to fit in. Share your thoughts and I have a shameless request – could you please share this with your friends.

To your limitless success!

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

If you are one of the millions of individuals who spend 11 billion dollars per year on self help, personal development and money making programs…only to become frustrated because  you are not getting the results you desire?

If  you are a smart working, intelligent woman, who has a passion to succeed and reach your potential professionally and personally but find yourself stuck, even after using the latest self help programs?

If your book shelf and iPod are filled with information on how to live the life of your dreams and your dreams are still just fantasies…then maybe, just maybe, hypnosis is the tool that will help you to become unstuck … so that you can take action … to make your dreams real.

What is hypnosis?

This post will not go in depth with the ancient history of hypnosis; however, you can get more information here.  There are two people from the early history of hypnosis that deserve mentioning: Franz Anton Mesmer – gave hypnosis its original name “Mesmerism” and produced the first theories of Mesmerism in 1765 and James Baird, a physician of the 1840’s, who changed the name “Mesmerism” to “Hypnotism” from the Greek word meaning sleep.

Present day hypnosis began in the 1950’s and became more main stream in the 1980’s. In lay man’s term – hypnosis is an intense, inner focused state of mind, whereby, you are receptive to suggestions either from yourself, the environment or someone else. It is not mind control and no one can make you do anything you don’t want to do.

Here is one reason that  makes hypnosis a powerful tool for change. Hypnosis allows you to make changes on a subconscious level. Hypnosis influences the subconscious mind to be receptive to change. These changes will become permanent more quickly.

From age 0 to approximately age six – you accepted as truth – from the people of influence in your world – who you are and your possibilities in life. This became part of your subconscious reality.

For every day conversation, it’s acceptable to say that our minds are made up of the conscious and subconscious mind. Your subconscious is the more powerful of the two. It controls approximately 88% of what you do. It is home to your emotions, your memories, your creativity and it controls all of your bodily functions – it’s on auto pilot 24/7, in the background. You may not be aware of its presence but it powerfully guides your life based on your programmed reality.

How hypnosis can help you to become unstuck.

If you are one of the frustrated millions who have tried unsuccessfully to reach your potential – your subconscious mind may be sabotaging your success.

If what you desire consciously, is not aligned with your subconscious reality, the subconscious mind will not allow it. Only a small percentage of the population can over ride their subconscious programming, naturally and that is why 11 billion dollars is spent each year and growing on personal development and making money products.

So where are you stuck?  What have you been unable to accomplish?

Reflect for a moment on the experiences of your childhood – what limiting beliefs did you accept as truth that are now keeping you from living the life you want to live?

Now that you have reflected – do you think you’re being held hostage by your subconscious beliefs?

It is possible not to have conscious awareness of your debilitating limiting beliefs. Here are some common limiting beliefs held by women:

• rich people are not nice.
• I am never happy.
• I do not have enough money.
• My life sucks.
• I am not beautiful.
• I am too fat.
• I am not successful.
• I never do anything right.
• I am always late.
• I do not like my self.
• I will never be rich.
• I will not get that great position.
• nobody loves me.
• nobody understands me.
• I will never be successful.
• I never have enough time.
• I am not hot.
• I do not like my hair.
• I will never find the right relationship.
• I am too old.
• nobody wants to date me.
• I never look good enough.

Do you identify with any of these limiting beliefs? Hypnosis is an excellent tool for revealing your beliefs and changing them on a subconscious level.

You can accomplish these powerful changes with self hypnosis, a hypnosis recording or  you can use a hypnotherapist.

Here are some  additional benefits of hypnosis:

• relieving stress
• weight management
• relaxation
• memory
• fear/phobias
• confidence and empowerment
• motivation
• pain control
• bad habits

Hypnosis may be that key that helps YOU to unlock your potential.

Other resources:

Gerard Sunnen
Howstuffworks
Wise Geek
Find Counseling
Ezine Article

Thought Stimulator: The mind is like an iceberg,it floats with one seventy of its bulk above water. ~ Sigmund Freud

Are you familiar with hypnosis? Do you think it is a valid tool for change? Let’s continue the conversation in the comment section and I have a shameless request –  please share this information with your friends.

Thank you.

To your continued success

adalia@claimyourconfidencenow.com

Guest post courtesy of Michelle Vasquez of True Love Relationship Coaching

If you are a single woman who wants to find true love, you may be getting in your own way with your thoughts and attitudes. You may be allowing your thoughts to undermine your confidence when it comes to dating. The way you think leads to how you feel. How you feel leads to what actions you decide to take. These actions get certain results, but probably not the results you are hoping for. If you want to change this cycle, you have to start with your thoughts.

I call these thoughts Love Stoppers. Love Stoppers are limiting beliefs that keep you from finding and keeping love. They are the viruses that infect your mind, making all of your positive affirmations ineffective until you get serious and make the decision to get rid of them.

Here are five Love Stoppers that get in the way when you are looking for your dream man and undermine your confidence when you are dating:

1. I am not good enough

Most people believe this at some time in their lives. To begin with, it is important to see yourself more realistically. For example, you may not be good enough at the piano to be a concert pianist, but are you good enough to entertain yourself and play music that you enjoy?

Focus instead on your strengths. What are you good at? What is it about you that is extraordinary? Ask trusted friends and family to give you a clue about this. Trust me; you are good enough to find someone to love. The trick is to begin to believe it yourself.

2. I will get hurt if I love someone

Yes, you will. No one can guarantee you that he will never hurt you. You want to look for someone who is sincere and ethical. This man will never willingly put you in danger. Being that we are all human and petty at times, we will say things that hurt our loved ones and we will mean them. The man you love will hurt you with his words. You will do this too. Will the hurt be unforgivable? Hopefully not. Pain and joy are part of life.

3. I will get rejected if I put myself out there

Most likely you will. However, if you spend all your time worrying about this, you will begin to lose your confidence about dating. Instead of worrying about rejection, which is going to happen, prepare yourself for it. Rejection is nothing more than feedback. Not every man is going to like you. That’s just a fact. So when a man doesn’t like you, is it about you? Is it just because there is no chemistry? Is he a bad judge of character? Or maybe he did you a favor by passing you by.

4. There is no one out there for me

If you believe this, you are going to have to change your tune or decide to be content being single. You have given up before you started. How can you find love (and have the confidence to go out dating) when you are telling yourself that it is impossible?

How can it be possible that out of all the people in the world, there is no one for you? Give yourself the gift of shifting this love stopper to “I haven’t yet found the one for me.” As you begin to accept this shift, you can go farther with “the one for me is out there and I am attracting him now.”

5. Men my age only want younger women

This is both true and false. There are some men who prefer younger women. There are many men your age who prefer dating within their own age range. Those men who only want younger women are not the right ones for you. The right man for you is someone who connects with you on many different levels and is happy to date a woman in his same age range.

These are my five love stoppers that get in your way when seeking your ideal man. As you can see, holding onto them holds you back. Decide to let go of these love stoppers and transform your thoughts into ones that allow you to date with confidence and attract a man of quality!

Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC, helps single women over 40 find, attract, and keep the love of their lives by teaching them how to understand what they require to create a happy, successful relationship. She has a growing specialty in helping widows find love again after loss. Get her free report, “Why am I Still Single and What Can I Do About”

Other Resources:
How to build your dating confidence
Get fit and improve your dating prospects
Video:

Thought Stimulator: Let your love be like the misty rain, coming softly but flooding the river  ~ Malagasy Proverb

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this post. Are you in a relationship? What has been your experience with dating? Please share with us.

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I have one more request, Please share this with your friends and the world.

To your continued success with love and all that you desire.
Adalia@claimyourconfidencenw.com