Guest post courtesy of Michelle Vasquez of True Love Relationship Coaching
If you are a single woman who wants to find true love, you may be getting in your own way with your thoughts and attitudes. You may be allowing your thoughts to undermine your confidence when it comes to dating. The way you think leads to how you feel. How you feel leads to what actions you decide to take. These actions get certain results, but probably not the results you are hoping for. If you want to change this cycle, you have to start with your thoughts.
I call these thoughts Love Stoppers. Love Stoppers are limiting beliefs that keep you from finding and keeping love. They are the viruses that infect your mind, making all of your positive affirmations ineffective until you get serious and make the decision to get rid of them.
Here are five Love Stoppers that get in the way when you are looking for your dream man and undermine your confidence when you are dating:
1. I am not good enough
Most people believe this at some time in their lives. To begin with, it is important to see yourself more realistically. For example, you may not be good enough at the piano to be a concert pianist, but are you good enough to entertain yourself and play music that you enjoy?
Focus instead on your strengths. What are you good at? What is it about you that is extraordinary? Ask trusted friends and family to give you a clue about this. Trust me; you are good enough to find someone to love. The trick is to begin to believe it yourself.
2. I will get hurt if I love someone
Yes, you will. No one can guarantee you that he will never hurt you. You want to look for someone who is sincere and ethical. This man will never willingly put you in danger. Being that we are all human and petty at times, we will say things that hurt our loved ones and we will mean them. The man you love will hurt you with his words. You will do this too. Will the hurt be unforgivable? Hopefully not. Pain and joy are part of life.
3. I will get rejected if I put myself out there
Most likely you will. However, if you spend all your time worrying about this, you will begin to lose your confidence about dating. Instead of worrying about rejection, which is going to happen, prepare yourself for it. Rejection is nothing more than feedback. Not every man is going to like you. That’s just a fact. So when a man doesn’t like you, is it about you? Is it just because there is no chemistry? Is he a bad judge of character? Or maybe he did you a favor by passing you by.
4. There is no one out there for me
If you believe this, you are going to have to change your tune or decide to be content being single. You have given up before you started. How can you find love (and have the confidence to go out dating) when you are telling yourself that it is impossible?
How can it be possible that out of all the people in the world, there is no one for you? Give yourself the gift of shifting this love stopper to “I haven’t yet found the one for me.” As you begin to accept this shift, you can go farther with “the one for me is out there and I am attracting him now.”
5. Men my age only want younger women
This is both true and false. There are some men who prefer younger women. There are many men your age who prefer dating within their own age range. Those men who only want younger women are not the right ones for you. The right man for you is someone who connects with you on many different levels and is happy to date a woman in his same age range.
These are my five love stoppers that get in your way when seeking your ideal man. As you can see, holding onto them holds you back. Decide to let go of these love stoppers and transform your thoughts into ones that allow you to date with confidence and attract a man of quality!
Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC, helps single women over 40 find, attract, and keep the love of their lives by teaching them how to understand what they require to create a happy, successful relationship. She has a growing specialty in helping widows find love again after loss. Get her free report, “Why am I Still Single and What Can I Do About”
Thought Stimulator: Let your love be like the misty rain, coming softly but flooding the river ~ Malagasy Proverb
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To your continued success with love and all that you desire.