Have you noticed that people with confidence readily accept responsibility for their actions? They do not participate in the blame game because they know that blaming not only destroys confidence but also waste time and energy.
Blaming erodes confidence.
I met Mary three decades ago while attending college. Mary never took responsibility for her actions and was constantly blaming others for her mistakes.
Mary refused to accept responsibility for the problems she created. She called a restaurant owner a bigot and blamed her ethnicity, when she was asked to leave a restaurant because she was disturbing the other guests with her profanity and obnoxious behavior.
Mary, academically gifted, had a scholarship and was enrolled in the premed program. She lost her scholarship because she took off for Spring break and never returned to school. She did not call with any explanation for her absence.
When I spoke to Mary, she took no responsibility for her actions. Instead she said her irresponsible behavior was due to her being an only child raised by a single mom.
Mary’s boyfriend ended their three year relationship because she was caught lying and cheating. She called him a jerk and blamed it on her father who abandoned the family when she was two years old.
Fast forward 30 years later. A few weeks ago,I was doing some volunteer work at a women’s shelter and I could not believe my eyes, there was Mary and true to form, as we spoke she told me that she had married a “jerk.” Who got her involved with drugs etc, etc.
I am sure you get the picture.
Mary played the blame game and she won. After more than thirty years, her attitude had trapped her in a time warp and destroyed her confidence. She never discovered her true self – her purpose. Therefore, she did not grow and evolve.
It is so important to take responsibility for your thoughts, actions and emotions. Even when you have valid reasons to blame others, taking ownership of your experience allows you to grow, to have a different perspective and at times it may keep you out of harms way.
When you blame others, you give up your power and you become victim of your circumstance. You lose your confidence and instead of being empowered and liberated, you are like a log on the ocean being controlled by the movement of the tide.
Another side of the blame coin is self blame. Self Blaming is as crippling as its twin blame.
Self Blamers are always having a pity party. Oh me! Oh my! They are filled with negative self chatter and ready, willing and able to claim ownership of the negative behavior of others.
They too, relinquish their power and their greatness. They create their own murky reality and are forever swimming in a sea of despair and loneliness.
Give your Confidence a boost – Stop blaming and begin to embrace your being.
Thought Stimulator: The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own, You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your destiny. – Albert Ellis
Are you a blamer or a self blamer? If you found this article useful, please Digg it and Stumble it. It will make me smile.