The fear of being judge by others was my first post in my five part series “Are Any of These Five Fears Holding You Back?”
The fear of rejection is my second post of the series.
Most of us want to be loved and accepted. This basic human need can become a toxic influence when the fear of being rejected becomes the primary motivator in your life.
The fear of rejection, as with all irrational fears, is a paralyzing emotion that keeps you from achieving success in relationships, career, business, and even with your health.
This fear keeps you in your comfort zone
Why tell your significant other what you want when it may not be fulfilled.
Why ask your boss for a raise when you could hear “no.”
Why call your possible clients when you may hear the dreaded “click.”
Why write that book when no one is going to buy it.
Why go to the doctor when you’re overweight.
Why take a chance on anything when rejection could be the outcome.
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. ~ Bo Bennett
Fear of being rejected morphs you into a people pleaser
Your fear makes you needy for acceptance. Lack of confidence and low self esteem creates a hunger for approval.
You go through life with a finger on the edit button.
You’re prepared to edit yourself to belong. After a while, YOU don’t even recognize your self. Your authenticity lost in a sea of fabrication and unworthiness.
He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. ~Raymond Hull
Fear robs you of your power
It’s difficult to be assertive and speak your truth when that monster “fear of rejection” lurks in the shadows. Time and time again you found yourself in uncomfortable situations because you were afraid to disagree with someone or about something.
Instead of being empowered because you belonged, you felt depressed, distraught and dis empowered.
Fear keeps you from addressing YOUR wants and needs.
Adding insult to injury, people take advantage of you because they can sense your fear and neediness.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~Bertrand Russell
Simple steps to overcome the fear of rejection
Step 1 – Habits fuel our everyday life.
For the next 21 days make a conscious decision to identify and record, in a journal, those areas of your life that are unfilled because of your fear.
Make a decision to change and re-write your story.
Step 2 – The law of polarity says that everything has its opposite
On the other side of your fear of rejection is your unbridled passion to move forward in spite of your fear.
Find a quite place and use the steps from my previous post “quick relaxation” to get into that state. Visualize, imagine, picture, feel and even taste how your life will change when you move forward in spite of your fear. Give yourself permission to accept and allow the new and empowered you.
Rewrite your story. Open your eyes and immediately write down the life you will experience when fear of rejection is not your motivator.
Step 3 – Come face to face with rejection
Each day, for the next 21 days, do at least one thing that the fear of being rejected kept you from doing. Your thoughts are powerful. Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between your imagination and what’s real. Your imagined rejections have been as real to your subconscious mind as if they really happened.
With that in mind, be courageous, move forward with fear and do the things you’re afraid to do. You will discover that being rejected, more often than not, was a figment of your imagination.
Step 4 – Celebrate the empowered you
Each day embrace every opportunity, big and small, to pat yourself on the back.
Live your story. As with most habits there’s a possibility of going backwards. If and when this happens, accept this as an inconvenient detour and get back on the main road by starting again with step one.
You’ll develop a new habit of being unstoppable and unshakeable.
It’s a wrap
My post “rejection proof formula” gives two tips on how to live a rejection proof life style.Your subconscious mind is home to all of your habits, good and bad. If your subconscious is not accepting your new habit, my laser coaching will help you with this issue.
Your turn
Has the fear of rejection held you hostage in any are of your life?
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Thanks For this article, it is great!
As a coach I learned that fear is one of most frequent emotions that keeps us stuck. My solution is to acknowledge when fear is louder than your authentic self voice and than learn how to live with fear and never allowing it to sit in the driver’s sit.
Love, Klara
I like that “live with fear but never allow it to sit in the driver’s seat.” Powerful words! Words to live by. No doubt!
Powering On requires us to let loose our fears, especially of being rejected. It is a gift that we can give ourselves and, as mothers, one we can pass on to our children. Living Power-Fully requires us to Power Forward with beliefs which support our growth and see us healed and healing in love always.
Thank you for this reminder.
Celebrating the Power of BE-ing Rejection Proof.
The Movement is ME and Adalia!!
You have the gift of words and I thank you for stopping by to leave a comment. Yes, power forward with your beliefs and core values that are authentically you And kick fear of rejection in the ….
Great action points, Adalia – such a simple idea to record where we may not have moved on because of our fears, and one I hadn’t used. I’m sure it will help me to move on from my fear of rejection that gets in the way of those phone calls and conversations…
Sometimes we over complicate life. Simple and easy action steps can be magical.
Great post! I found it interesting that you equated fear of rejection with becoming a “pleaser” I never made that connection before – and spent a HUGE portion of my life in that “pleaser” role – turning myself into a pretzel to make others happy. Now I have greater clarity on what that might have been about so can go in and do some more work to unwind any fear of rejection that might be lingering….. Thanks!
Yes, fear of rejection leads to people pleasing. It makes sense. if you don’t want to be rejected you agree with everyone. People pleasing leads to stress and anxiety and it lowers self-esteem and self-confidence.
I’m glad you had an enlightened moment from this post.